Identifying the Problem

As I move through my research, I’ve seen many definitions of what a bully is. And it’s not just one definition, especially with cyberbullying. Now there is  24-7 bullying with new technology. We have greater consequences now with the rise of our machines and devices. More risk of suicide and aggression and pent up anger that can result in homicide, self-harm, drug addiction, depression and post-traumatic anxiety. With bullying these risks were always there, but now it’s completely  out of control. Even though we’ve made so many advances in school academics and learning methods, ways to tackle bullying have mostly been ignored and swept under the rug. We almost have no more answers (or listened to solutions) than we did 40 years ago. I say we go to the root of the problem, and work from there. Also, we must all (teachers, students, administrators, lawmakers, police and parents) be on the same page if we are to get anywhere in attacking this epidemic. I’ll start and take the lessons I’ve learned through my own experiences and my research to make a serious dent in eliminating this multi-faceted problem. First, I’ll state what  bullying is, and what or who the bully is:

Bullying is by definition “calculated, ongoing abuse that is aimed at a less powerful target.” “Bullying is intentional and repetitive social cruelty” with targets that are designated because they won’t defend themselves. It is wrong, blatantly wrong. It lacks empathy. It is for bemusement. It is for dominance. If not halted it ends in severe injuries, death and in every case some level of trauma that carries into adulthood. It’s the only form of abuse left that largely goes unnoticed. It’s forgiven, ignored and rarely prosecuted. It’s even encouraged as a rite of passage and usually stems from some sorely lacking need. It’s a malformed Alpha role(I reference Dr. Gordon Neufeld whose Alpha askew I will revisit at a later time), or a poor observation of distorted adult behavior(usually from an example at home such as an abusive mother or stepfather). It’s a social and moral wrong that has gone unchecked for far too long. Let that sink in…

Now we get to “the bully (himself or herself) A pure bully is defined as someone who appears motivated by a strong personal desire to control others. The bully may feel empowered to bully when peer bystanders appear to support their behavior. A pure bully doesn’t care about his/her victim’s fairness or feelings, and has usually experienced abuse or neglect themselves.” They find a sick pleasure in doling out punishment. Usually the stakes get greater. It can start with verbal abuse and move to a physical form, and more recently a viral form.  All to add further humiliation. A bully is usually operating at a much greater power deferential(almost always it’s never against someone of equal or greater physical or perceived power) A bully is manipulative and smart enough to attack secretly, and usually can talk his(her) way out of trouble. A bully has low self-esteem masqueraded with a high, damaged sense of self and enjoys his/her work. They actually have no mirror and project their failure to look inside out with blunt force(I will touch on this later on a deeper level) An audience of willing bystanders makes for a greater payoff. They get to intimidate others and gain popularity with a twisted Machavellian sense of instilling fear for respect. A bully exploits weakness, and the tears or backing down of the victim only adds fuel to the fire. A bully does not care about being right or wrong, just exerting power and dominance. A bully is usually popular, athletic and overall fearless. He/she is adored by teachers and gets away with the abuse unscathed. A bully operates from a hypermasculine sense often seeing his/her target as weak, gay, inferior, different, aberrant, deranged, racially inferior or wrong(only in the bully’s mind)A bully, unless unusually remorseful in later years, will forget what he/she has done, and may even carry this behavior into adulthood. A bully will not care about what damage he/she has done to his/her victim, in most cases.  Let that sink in as well….

I think if we begin to see this problem of bullying and a “pure bully”as an epidemic we need to see what these definitions are as what they “really” are. Because it is unchecked, unpunished, verified abuse. It is torment and harassment. If bullying and the bully (him/herself) wasn’t a problem, we wouldn’t have these statistics:

“Bullying affects 1 in 3 American schoolchildren in grades 6 through 10”

“83% of girls and 79% of boys experience bullying harassment”

“75% of school shootings have been linked to bullying and harassment.”

“Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth report being harassed at school in the past year due to sexual orientation.”

“64% of children who were bullied did not report it.”

I will post more statistics as this blog progresses. It’s of major importance we address, identify, and go to the roots of these problems before we get anywhere.