I know exactly who you are. You wear many faces, but you’re the same person. You all treat me like I’m nothing like I’m below you. Here I will always stay, the footstool for you to stomp on. I’m just a stepping stone, so you can further your climb on the social ladder.

I’m the one you will continue to beat. It will get worse. We both know this. You can call me any name you want. I have to take, absorb it and just believe it’s true. Whatever comeback or retort I come back with will never be equal to any of your taunts. Every punch, every kick, every elbow will hurt for a few seconds, but they will be back the next day. I just wait for the day, I pray to whatever deity there is that they will end. They will end for you after every one of your laughs. But I will feel them like yesterday into my adult life(if I make it that long) I bet you didn’t know that. You probably think this is good for me like I deserve it. But you’re oh so wrong. You think this will make me a man, but it doesn’t. I’m a broken, battered, half-functioning, chemically dependent, much too angry, scared, fractured, half-formed adult.

See what you did there? Is this self-esteem building? You know the best part. The school, every teacher in it laugh at me more than you, or with you. All the administrators, the principal, the vice-principal think I’m lying. They think I’m making all this up. If I try to fight you one-on-one, you’ll recruit two of your friends to gang up on me, and beat me senseless. My parents, yes my parents they have no idea, and they can’t fight my battles. Plus, school will laugh them out the door! And you know what else? I have two years left of high school. What do I do? I ask this question over and over…..I want to be a man. I can’t show I’m weak. I have me to show you I’m stronger than all of this. I can’t cry. I don’t have too many options. I’m running out, in fact….of options that is.

I have dreams of smashing your face ’til it bleeds. I want you to feel as inferior as me. I’ve been taking your !$#% since I was 9. I’m *&!#$%# tired of it. I want to see you on the ground, crying, bleeding, begging for mercy. What if you weren’t around? What if I made this possible?  Wouldn’t it be great for all this to end? What if I wasn’t here? Nothing matters anyway. F____it.

You see this is all fantasy. None of this is real. This is just a simulation. From one victim to his attacker, of any number of attackers. This rage could result in a death threat, a cry for help, a suicide note, a reason to start fighting, an access to an AR-15. You see where all this pent up rage could go? You see the danger? Now, I ask do the schools have a part, do the parents who raise children who abuse other children have one, do the teachers? But all the responsibilty is placed on the kid who can’t take anymore.Well, I say you need to step back, and alter your focus. Because you’re looking at this from the wrong angle. You have to adjust your lenses and point the scope at all of these forces pressing this kid. You’re seeing the result. You were too blind ignoring the warning signs from day one.

Regretfully not present any longer,

-Victim

(replaced by someone who doesn’t sit to take it, but stands to fight! )- A Survivor Lives Here

“You are worth it. It does get better.”        -Anonymous

Consider this a follow-up to my last blog, a part-two of sorts. I will begin at following my last statement as we get into the hierarchy. It happens with any group of people in an organized institution. It exists in our workplaces, our government, our prisons, our families and yes, our public schools.

What I’ve seen in a span of much research is much, very much a pyramid with layers. The bottom consists of the outcasts, the marginalized ones, very close candidates for the victim. The next layer may be the the rebellious ones; the ones who have close friends not really concerned about social status. And we go up another layer to maybe the intelligent, very content to be the top of the class and very successful one day. And then, another layer, possibly the start of what some may be considered, “cool,” but not all the way there yet. The start of the aggressors might be showing their faces here until we close in on “the elite.” Oh yes, “the Elite”- the very top layer (a few more layers may be in-between the aforementioned tiers) You can assure the popular, the “elite,”the ones who everyone wishes they could be. They seem to be the athletic, the all-powerful, get all the dates, and might even pull decent grades to ensure that scholarship. The ones who can do no wrong. You see, here is where no one maybe chooses to look because who would need to dominate at this level, but they do. Many aggressors, abusers, tormentors reside right here, and may feel obligated to harrass or punish those below. This is where the danger lies. Remember Columbine. Many of Dylan Kliebold and Eric Harris’ tormentors were jocks or “white caps”at the top of the pyramid. And more than one eyewitness stated matter-of-fact, Dylan and Eric were the bottom; nobody would go near them, or be friends with them. As I stated before, this power deferential is dangerous and leads,  if perpetuated, to fatal consequences. This school shooting has been a model and pattern of all others that followed. All of these victims(the most disempowered) felt the same contempt for their tormentors(the ones who held all the power), even though, they took the wrong drastic measures in the end. The rage and desperation and continued warnings led them all to the same helplessness which manifested into a hatred and “no regard for any human life,” even their own.

So, what do I think of all this? I can say I took a journey through at least two of these levels on the pyramid. And you can either accept your place, or just not care. There is a third option: to ascend from your current status. How does one do that? Well, I will bring up the bystander one more time. You can observe someone’s rotten behavior of one above you abusing one beneath you. Even celebrate it, make a video of it; be the bully cheerleader, and you just might make it like a contestant on a game show. You making someone else’s life miserable might give you notoriety, and with social media it’s almost just too easy nowadays. One Quora opinion suggests by being this cruel “you can outrank them by demeaning them.” If they had any type of strength or resistance or compassion, they could stand up for that poor kid. They’d rather ascend rank, and attain some notoriety. The notice I took is with other countries such as Ghana and China where bullying is nothing short of deplorable; there is community and morality. In Western culture a dreaded pyramid appears with what seems like a brook with alligators dividing each layer, and few bridges that you are able to cross. It becomes so disgusting(from my own experience) if someone on the bottom rungs tells a hilarious joke it will be considered stupid or pointless to someone at “the top.” If an elite tells something much less original, dumb and with enough force; everyone  laughs, including the teacher. You know why you laugh, and laugh hysterically? Because you’re afraid; you rather die than be considered “not with it,” or unpopular. Or you don’t want to lose face, or risk getting it removed from your skull. That’s not the way I ever wanted to be; equal opportunity, baby.

But there is a sad truth to all of this. What years of genetic programming has proved, “being nice will get you killed.” Bullies will never have a need to be reformed if you look at what payoffs are at the zenith of the grand high school pyramid. The bigger you are, the more savage you are(you ready for this) you receive more mating opportunities. This makes you more dominant, more attractive to the opposite sex. So, more dates, more sex, more to do whatever you please; the more fear, pain and damage you can inflict on other people. Great! Moreso, “bullying suggests genetic programming (the desire to mate and copulate) is stronger than our social programming”(the desire to show empathy and cooperate with others) Our culture is so skewed in this direction, it’s a runaway train. Why would you want to stop? Ever. In my opinion, teachers don’t want to stop this behavior because either they “secretly” want to be like their popular students, or two, they don’t have a clue to stop them. Or a even a third scenario, the teacher is also a bully contributing to the victim’s plight. So, they ignore, do nothing, blame shift; do anything but face the truth. Appease, appease, appease, right? Well, fascist dictators start small, don’t they? If no one stops them, guess what; they keep going until they reach global domination! And some of these people teach history. No one wants to be held accountable(Not discrediting all teachers, there are teachers that are genuine and worthy of respect, but the majority of how I’ve seen bullying play out in a classroom and hallway is mentioned above)

What we can’t forget when talking about our hierarchy is two plain simple truths I will keep reiterating: “The person being bullied has done nothing wrong, and therefore, is a victim. Two, “the person being punished Has done Something Wrong, and is Responsible For the Wrong Behavior.” Unless, of course you are in the upper echelons of the hierarchy where white is black, and black is white. Where the innocent are wrong, and the guilty are free. We cannot lose sight of the truth. Because those inside it cannot see it. It’s the water they drink, the air around them. Parkland High School you’re seeing from the outside now. Those inside don’t see what really is going on, or see other contributing factors (that one girl, Angelica Mansfield who spoke up for the bullied victims was the exception).

https://www.lightworkers.com/students-powerful-anti-bullying-speech/

Remember I said bullies have low self-esteem, but a projected “high” self-esteem, or “selfish-esteem.” It’s ego, false confidence, glib charm and grandiosity. At the very core call bullies what they are: sociopaths (learned abusive behavior; psychopaths are born this way) and narcissists. You don’t believe me? I have researched many hours on this topic and every similarity is overwhelmingly striking. A narcissist is really much like an addict: “addicted to the drug rush of seeing someone in pain.” What Dr. George Simon(who I’ve listened to many hours) calls A Character Disturbance. One beautiful example is his description of a cat in its predator state. When a cat sees a pitbull crossing the street from a porch. He begins to hiss, his back arches, his fur raises, his claws are exposed and his teeth are bared. Inside he’s deathly afraid. This is not the bully predator. Now a difference when he sees a mouse. He is sneaky, showing no sign of fear or disturbance. Quietly, he approaches his target, almost toying until he strikes at the most available moment. And he doesn’t attack with fear inside. He is cold and emotionless; knowing his prey can do nothing to him. This behavior can be likened to a bully attacking his victim with sadistic joy and derision. He thrives on this weakness to prove his all-out dominance(to even send a message and reinforce if there are witnesses around. Don’t mess with me, or this could happen to you)The narcissist’s needs are his own. It almost troubles him, disgusts him that his victim doesn’t fight back. It’s a sick, twisted game. When the drug wears off he needs a more violent reaction or exercise of destruction to get a better high. The narcissist only cares about what he needs. What the victim’s weakness will be exposed on exhibition, so he doesn’t have to look at his hollow core. Everything is expressed as an external projection of hatred, shame and vitriol. Filling the narcissist’s ego is the only importance, and you, the bystander, the audience only feeds this egocentricity. It’s an electric current he runs on completely. “The victim’s suffering; only the narcissist’s suffering matters.” Herein, lies the problem. Stop feeding the narcissist, stop making this culture, our culture the sun we revolve around.

If this hierarchy was the one in Finland, we would see a different dynamic. The pyramid is turned on its side. “Bullying is a group process to eradicate not perpetuate.” Students step in to surround a child being harrassed and tormented. They do not “reinforce the bullies.” The teachers, the administrators are all on the same page. There are no bystanders only defenders in the KiVa program where money is actually invested in protecting the students. Finland has had 3 school shootings since 1989. In Nova Scotia, Canada teachers and even pediatricians report incidents of bullying before they reach such levels we have where countless kids endure abuse from the time they are nine to seventeen. In Chile and Switzerland students stand when teachers enter the classroom. There is respect lacking in our culture for each other and for adults. Bullying is coined in the US as “a general disorder” not a rite of passage by those seeing us from the outside. The hierarchy needs to change; it needs to be smashed apart and dismantled. How many school shootings and incidents of since Columbine? If you see the US school shooting timeline since 1900 about one shooting a year every few years until you reach 1999. In 19 years without counting strictly I counted 223 school shootings, and that’s not counting how many casualties. I’m not counting the amount of suicides or bullycides(suicides due to excessive bullying) either.

So I ask you. Who sees this epidemic now? Is it more than you thought? Is it a gun issue? I say no. Is it a mental health issue? Psychological studies say about 7% of mentally ill people commit acts of violence on others. They’re more likely to be victims of violence. To me the entire problem is an internal one or lack of internal regard for others. The problem is within. We need to break apart this hierarchy, and not be so easily led. It begins inside, fixing what has been damaged in our souls, our hearts, our institutions: our social hierarchy. It’s what’s favored and given the most voice in our society: the loudest, the most ignorant, and the most vicious. For the bully who needs to be disarmed, and the victim who needs to be empowered; a better balance needs to be found. Where the diminishing of one won’t lead to the pent up aggression to kill someone else. The weapon is “not” the issue.

The point is to level the hierarchy into equal, joining parts: an even playing field. I personally would like to see the top levelled. I’m not asking for us all to get along, or fights and disagreements to never occur. That’s not life. That’s not realistic. I know utopia is a pretty naive concept and construct to fathom. All I’m asking for is an equal chance for everyone to achieve their own dreams safely and without interference and repeated, unchecked abuse. We don’t all have to get along, but we all can work together as a community. Pyramid can slide off layer by sedimentary layer until we’re all standing on the same ground. How’s that for a paradigm shift?

What I would like to begin by saying is we don’t have a problem of bullying,  a “bullying culture” is our problem; it is our culture, the American culture. We see it in our media, in our talk shows, our political sphere, our reality shows, our workplace, our schools, and most the damaging: our homes. One video I was watching alluded to the phrase, “we cheer in the movie when the bully gets his deserved beatdown in the end, but in our real life the opposite is often true.” The bully, you see, shows no fear and commands respect. The bully is often the boss and gets what he/she wants. We say we don’t support or want to be like that, but our actions (the majority) say the opposite: do whatever we want to whomever we want whenever we want without any repercussions. This aggression is secretly desired and enabled. This is the ugly face of our culture: a greedy, selfish, demanding, unreasonable child.

Now you may ask who promotes such a way of life? Is that me? Is that someone I wish to be? Well, according to one source (and I have many), The Bully Society by Jessie Klein; we need “to reclaim our American schools from this vicious cycle of aggression. It threatens our children and our society at large.” It is more damaging than any gun, more penetrating than any bullet. In a sense, our culture more than anything cultivates a “hyperactive sense of competition” to win at all costs, even if that means stepping on people on the way to get to the top. Ms. Klein even takes it a step further by saying how boys and girls both assume a “hyper masculinity” to show strength and dominance. They become this role so strongly that all of the negative aspects come along with it: uncaringness, lack of empathy, disrespect, violence and excessive force(win by any means necessary)

If you think I’m exaggerating, just look at the news. Look what sells, look what our society has become. Even those who say they’re religious or moral often become hypocrites when someone does what they don’t like, or stands in the way of that promotion in their career. It’s imbibed in us so far back in sports and even kindergarten to be the best. And too bad if you miss the boat, or get left behind. Always be first, but at what cost?

Now, I won’t go into too much in this blog, but there is some chemistry/ biology involved here. Bullies or sociopaths derive pleasure from causing pain in others. Like a drug, they need a bigger fix each time to get the same benefit of exerting their dominance. One writer noted it’s located in the basal forebrain and lateral habenula circuit that “mediates an individual’s motivation to engage in bullying.” So, are we all longing for that impulse? Is it learned behavior, or are some individuals “just naughty by nature?” Well, I do believe it is the former, but I do also believe once one gets a taste of that power it becomes almost impossible to stop. And how does the victim factor into all of this?

Well, as the aggressor/bully/tormentor powerful wolf gets fed and enabled, the other wolf(like the old Native American fable of the two wolves)  gets starved, paid no attention and dominated(we all have two wolves inside of us, according to the tale) You don’t have to deduce much to see who wins 99% of the time, or nine times out of ten. The aggressor is not going to be the victim. The bully, as I stated previously, doesn’t hide in the margins or in the fringes. The bully/aggressor/tormentor is in the inner circle, in plain sight with glowing false bravado. The more we glorify, enable, let things go, silently observe, refuse to check his/her inappropriateness, the stronger this monster gets. The victim, unfortunately, gets even further disempowered, is even less noticed, and receives more abuse. See where I’m going with this? If the victim keeps backing down and backing up, soon a corner approaches. The victim is left with very few options: suicide, self-harm, homicide, assault, or a lifetime of Post-Traumatic Stress loaded with anxiety, depression and confrontation issues.

What now, then? What is left? What can we do? What I can say is we; the people, the students, the adults, supervisors, administrators, teachers, the police can start changing the culture: piece by small piece.  But this is not going to be done in an American, microwave, instant gratification minute. It’s going to take patience, understanding, influence, strength and most of what we don’t want to hear: Time. We need to stop putting our faith in empty Zero Tolerance or Anti-Bullying programs, if no one means it. Schools need to practice what they preach, and actually make a conscious effort to focus on the victim. They must not shift blame from the bully. We need to embrace such values as sharing, helping others, collaboration, and not favor one elite group or indivual over a weaker, less popular group or individual. We need to stand up to the bully, and use a program like they do in Finland called KiVa. The program encourages building a wall around the victim, and calling out the bully for his/her deviant behavior. It’s a group effort. We need to shut down this threat, so it doesn’t become an unstoppable inferno; we need a fire we can extinguish. That fire can be redirected into the victim, so he/she no longer presents a target, and therefore, is no longer a victim, but an equally represented and valued individual. The change starts with you, it starts with me. We can all have our own power and achieve our individual dream with a quiet confidence and powerful resolve. I encourage you to embrace the change because I, for one,  am ready to pick up this pyramid, and flip it over on its head.

What I would like to focus this entire blog, or I should say this particular blog on is something near and dear to my heart: the victim. You see I started out in this role. I don’t know if by conscious choice or plain intimidation, but after some experiences I assumed the role. And I’m going to get about as raw, naked and vulnerable as you’ll probably ever see up to this point, if you’ve been following.

I never wanted to be the victim, but that didn’t matter. Like I had a choice. I guess I fit all the criteria if you go down the checklist. I had them all. For one, in my neighborhood I did not look like everybody else. My last name was awkward and long, and didn’t make much sense to them(I dreaded saying my name out loud, and hated the sound of it. Made me not want to speak) Already I was in the minority. Most kids didn’t have blonde hair and a different hue of skin. I didn’t only see it; I felt it. I stuck out in other ways too. I wasn’t tall, and I was fat. It’s really hard saying a lot of these things because I took such abuse not only from children, but adults who thought they could say whatever they want to me. I absorbed all of their comments and taunts. On top of these obvious setbacks my vision was already poor, so I needed glasses (very ugly ones to boot) at age 8. What I didn’t need is the acute perception I seemed to be born with, and no one knew more than me. I knew very well what the world thought of me, and I didn’t like it. I knew what I saw in me, and I hated it. The more I heard, the further I felt these nails of inadequacy drive themselves harder into me. The harder they were driven, the more withdrawn and isolated I became. What this showed to the outside world was probably one glaring word: Target.

By the time I was of age walking to school, I was already being brutalized on the playground, in school and away from school. I didn’t know what to do, I was unprepared. Did I deserve this? I felt horrible enough about myself, and this made me feel worse. By the time I was ten I had a knife pulled on me by some bad, older kid who lived up the street. I was used to getting chased, and overall just sneered at for others’ amusement. All of these inadequacies and faults just screamed in a collective roar; “I was not enough.” Over and over again on repeat I heard this. I hardly ever lost my temper, but when I did it was pure, blinding rage. If only I could get back at them, it was all I thought; it consumed every thought. All I had was my intelligence and a resilient spirit with a little of that fire gave and some athletic ability. That’s where it started. I proved myself aggressively on the playing field in games like soccer, wrestling and tackle football. That inspired me in a year to eat better, run, lift weights and transform myself, but it was a long process. I’ll touch on this again, but I wouldn’t be fully realized until late in high school. This is when I became stronger and slimmer. My teeth straightened, I acquired contact lenses and gained some confidence. I had to battle through all of these jerks to get there, sometimes successful, other times not so suc cess ful.  I spent way too much time as a victim, a role I had to break like a shell. I had to metamorphosize into something, someone else.

Now getting back to the victim. What does he or she look like? Well, if I described what I just did of my early life; that was me. Why do you think I’m doing what I do now? Why it comes so natural. Because I was that kid. I identify so strongly with the pain and anger because I know what it feels like to think that low of yourself. You want to fight back so hard, but when you do you get caught. They see the overreaction, and laugh at the end result. I want this thing to end because I know in my heart of hearts the tormentors will never understand what they do. These scars last forever; they do not go away. Like someone who’s been violated, attacked, mugged, left for dead, etc. These people(abusers) have violated your space, rights as a human, right to share the same space on this planet, and you, the victim, have been deprived. Because you can not let anyone define you, do such things to you. You have to reclaim your right that was taken. You, the victim, have to reassemble the broken victim inside of you, and emerge with stronger parts as the person you were intended to be. As you burn, your Phoenix will rise! Just have faith in yourself (I’m saying this to myself as to you as well) To me all the focus should be on empowering the victim, no mercy should be given to the tormentor. Too long have all the adults been forgiving them, covering for them, standing up for them. They do it in childhood and adulthood. This should be the day all that rhetoric ends. We all need as a group to empower the victim, the victim needs to empower him/herself. We need all society, teachers, administrators, observers on that page.

It’s not for tomorrow. It’s already too late. After all my hours of research I think I’ve seen it all, but it doesn’t end. These aren’t exaggerations. These stories are real. This is not fake news. These people are real. Autistic, blind, deaf kids brutally attacked and humiliated. Headlines that say such atrocities like:

Bullied teen beaten to death: unable to wake from coma.  Beaten because she was Sikh Muslim.  Awshawnty Davis,10

Teen hangs herself after being cyberbullied.  Megan Meier,13

Teen bullied so excruciatingly he was told to “go home and shoot yourself, no one will ever miss you.” So, he did just that. Eric Mohat, 17

After years of incessant bullying, beautiful girl who loved horses succumbed and shot herself at home. Emelie Davis,13

I only had brief bouts of bullying, abuse, but over time they added up. I can’t imagine the magnified sense of having no more options at all, or being tormented so badly that it cost me my life. The anger on the deepest level I can mostly identify. Can you imagine the sadness, heartbreak these mothers and fathers feel? The bullies are free, causing more harm to other innocent victims, and these people’s lives are destroyed. I have so much more to say, and I will; you’ll find out. Right now I just want to shed light, and give some hope to the victims. It doesn’t have to be this way forever. It can end with all our doing; we have the power. Action of one, action of many. If one person reads this I’ve done my part, but I’m not satisfied( nowhere near) I want everybody to read. It starts with the kids. They can expose bullies, blow this thing wide open. Stand up to it, confront it. Say “Hey, what you’re doing is wrong! This is my friend!!” Get in a good group, get some protective friends that would go down swinging for you. And until the adults listen, Fight For Your Life!!; you only have one!

I’ll leave you with this thought. Bullies thrive on conformity. What will make them popular they will enforce like dogmatic wolves, no matter how stupid it is. The certain clothes, body type, music, etc. whatever rules they make up. Well, if everyone lived like them we wouldn’t have remarkable, maybe not-so-outgoing creative individuals who rose to greatness. I’m not talking about the people everyone always think. I’m talking about Stephen Hawking, Bill Gates, Lady Gaga, Kate Winslet, Chris Rock and Michael Phelps who all went onto enormous success and made worthwhile contributions, despite being bullied. They found their power, and it blossomed for the whole world to see. They came from a different place, not one of conformity or predictability.

You don’t have to be the target anymore. I am definitely not today. It’s OK to be who you are: shy, weird, smart, odd daring and beautiful. It is my goal to make you not fearful, scared, withdrawn, weak and ashamed. Stay with me and I will make you tough enough to resist your tormentor, and verbally, mentally and physically to become strong enough to never let them bother you again.

Be well and stay strong, my brothers and sisters. I’m together with you in this fight.

“Me. We.”   -Muhammad Ali

As I move through my research, I’ve seen many definitions of what a bully is. And it’s not just one definition, especially with cyberbullying. Now there is  24-7 bullying with new technology. We have greater consequences now with the rise of our machines and devices. More risk of suicide and aggression and pent up anger that can result in homicide, self-harm, drug addiction, depression and post-traumatic anxiety. With bullying these risks were always there, but now it’s completely  out of control. Even though we’ve made so many advances in school academics and learning methods, ways to tackle bullying have mostly been ignored and swept under the rug. We almost have no more answers (or listened to solutions) than we did 40 years ago. I say we go to the root of the problem, and work from there. Also, we must all (teachers, students, administrators, lawmakers, police and parents) be on the same page if we are to get anywhere in attacking this epidemic. I’ll start and take the lessons I’ve learned through my own experiences and my research to make a serious dent in eliminating this multi-faceted problem. First, I’ll state what  bullying is, and what or who the bully is:

Bullying is by definition “calculated, ongoing abuse that is aimed at a less powerful target.” “Bullying is intentional and repetitive social cruelty” with targets that are designated because they won’t defend themselves. It is wrong, blatantly wrong. It lacks empathy. It is for bemusement. It is for dominance. If not halted it ends in severe injuries, death and in every case some level of trauma that carries into adulthood. It’s the only form of abuse left that largely goes unnoticed. It’s forgiven, ignored and rarely prosecuted. It’s even encouraged as a rite of passage and usually stems from some sorely lacking need. It’s a malformed Alpha role(I reference Dr. Gordon Neufeld whose Alpha askew I will revisit at a later time), or a poor observation of distorted adult behavior(usually from an example at home such as an abusive mother or stepfather). It’s a social and moral wrong that has gone unchecked for far too long. Let that sink in…

Now we get to “the bully (himself or herself) A pure bully is defined as someone who appears motivated by a strong personal desire to control others. The bully may feel empowered to bully when peer bystanders appear to support their behavior. A pure bully doesn’t care about his/her victim’s fairness or feelings, and has usually experienced abuse or neglect themselves.” They find a sick pleasure in doling out punishment. Usually the stakes get greater. It can start with verbal abuse and move to a physical form, and more recently a viral form.  All to add further humiliation. A bully is usually operating at a much greater power deferential(almost always it’s never against someone of equal or greater physical or perceived power) A bully is manipulative and smart enough to attack secretly, and usually can talk his(her) way out of trouble. A bully has low self-esteem masqueraded with a high, damaged sense of self and enjoys his/her work. They actually have no mirror and project their failure to look inside out with blunt force(I will touch on this later on a deeper level) An audience of willing bystanders makes for a greater payoff. They get to intimidate others and gain popularity with a twisted Machavellian sense of instilling fear for respect. A bully exploits weakness, and the tears or backing down of the victim only adds fuel to the fire. A bully does not care about being right or wrong, just exerting power and dominance. A bully is usually popular, athletic and overall fearless. He/she is adored by teachers and gets away with the abuse unscathed. A bully operates from a hypermasculine sense often seeing his/her target as weak, gay, inferior, different, aberrant, deranged, racially inferior or wrong(only in the bully’s mind)A bully, unless unusually remorseful in later years, will forget what he/she has done, and may even carry this behavior into adulthood. A bully will not care about what damage he/she has done to his/her victim, in most cases.  Let that sink in as well….

I think if we begin to see this problem of bullying and a “pure bully”as an epidemic we need to see what these definitions are as what they “really” are. Because it is unchecked, unpunished, verified abuse. It is torment and harassment. If bullying and the bully (him/herself) wasn’t a problem, we wouldn’t have these statistics:

“Bullying affects 1 in 3 American schoolchildren in grades 6 through 10”

“83% of girls and 79% of boys experience bullying harassment”

“75% of school shootings have been linked to bullying and harassment.”

“Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth report being harassed at school in the past year due to sexual orientation.”

“64% of children who were bullied did not report it.”

I will post more statistics as this blog progresses. It’s of major importance we address, identify, and go to the roots of these problems before we get anywhere.

I’m just going to put this out there to see who can see this. One voice can be the start of many. One voice can become two, then with enough volume can be heard by others, and they add their own ideas. I’m here to add solutions to a growing problem. One to empower the victim, two to diminish the power and influence of the bully/abuser/perpetrator/aggressor.

This will be the focus of my work. I’m giving a voice to the voiceless, and turning the volume down on the loudest in the room.

 

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton